Idiom Savant
by Random Guise
Summary: I don't know how many they made, but for decades Schoolhouse Rock! cartoons were a mainstay of Saturday morning television watching in the United States. Here is a treatment for a figure of speech and has NO relationship to writing fanfiction. Well, maybe a little...when pigs fly!


**A/N: A suggested addition to the Schoolhouse Rock! series. Imagine a simply-drawn cartoon...  
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Idiom Savant

"I just can't figure out how to say this right."

"What's the matter Billy?" Miss Green asked as she rose from her desk at the front of the classroom and came to stand beside Billy Mazing's desk.

"I'm having trouble with this assignment, Miss Green. My writing is so stale and lifeless and it lacks literary punch. It's like trying to read the dictionary only without the nuanced plot or words that start with the letter 'T'."

"Oh my Billy, this writing is as dead as a doornail. But there's a way you can spiff it up at the drop of a hat."

"Doornail? Dropping hats? What do you mean?"

"Well Billy," Miss Green explained "let me spell it out for you from the bottom of my heart. You see, I'm not really going to spell any words out and the words are coming from me, not the basement level of an organ designed to pump blood through the body. Do you catch my drift?"

"What you're saying is some words say one thing but mean another, right?"

"Sure, you're getting it. Don't get angry that your writing is dull; spice it up because it's all the rage!" Miss Green walked over to the coat rack and parted several jackets, allowing an upright piano to drift out onto the floor. A piano bench slid out from nowhere to stop in front and she sat upon it, triggering a spotlight from above. "Here, let me hand the concept to you on a silver platter and I won't lead you astray with a red herring. This song should help get you over the hump and you'll be so happy with the results you'll be walking on air in no time."

(Begins to play the melody from the tune "Honesty" by Billy Joel)

_If you search for new phrases_  
_They can be hard to find_  
_Like a needle in a haystack tends to be_  
_But if you need low hanging fruit_  
_And not the blind leading the blind_  
_Use this device repeatedly_

_Idioms aren't just a bunch of words_  
_They often feel that they are true_  
_Idioms are never for the birds_  
_Or a fair weather friend to you_

_I can always find a phrase_  
_To help me blow my own horn_  
_Am I a donor if my heart goes out to you_  
_Is it important what color they are_  
_When you tell me white lies_  
_Do as I say and not as I do_

_Idioms, turn over a new leaf_  
_And avoid a wild goose chase_  
_Idioms can be really good grief_  
_And give you a dog in the race_

"Wow, those really are colorful" Billy remarked. "And there are so many. I bet they're everywhere!"

"Sure they are; there's one behind you right now." Billy looked behind him for an idiom and just saw Reece Meltedfork. "Just kidding, Billy. All good fun, Reece. There are a lot more where those came from! By the way, that one was a cliche. Now let me sing the bridge."

_Like a fish out of water_  
_You can skate on thin ice_  
_Then mind your own beeswax_  
_Or be rude so you can be nice_  
_Silence is golden_  
_All that glitters is not gold_  
_I know, I know_

_By looking at your screen too long_  
_Everything's a sight for sore eyes_  
_Catch forty winks before your vision is all gone_  
_Say what I mean in this song_  
_Careful when time really flies_  
_Cause they're the words I depend upon_

_Idioms aren't just a bunch of words_  
_They often feel that they are true_  
_Idioms are never for the birds_  
_Or a fair weather friend to you_

Miss Green finished her song with a flourish and stood up. "Now do you understand, Billy?"

Billy pondered, then spoke. "By using a dash of idioms here and a splash there, I'll get my foot in the door of more colorful writing and soon I won't be playing second fiddle to no one!"

"You won't be playing second fiddle to _anyone_," Miss Green corrected "but I think you got the point. Now how about rewriting that assignment and see how it flies?"

"Great! After I'm done it won't be a pile of sh..."

"It looks like it's time for a break" Miss Green quickly interrupted. "I think Billy has caught on now. Reece, would you pass out the fruit snacks please?"

The End

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**A/N: For many decades Saturday morning cartoons were dotted with the short entertaining and educational ditties from Schoolhouse Rock; thanks to them I can still recite the preamble to the Constitution of the United States as long as I play the accompanying tune in my head. They gave us history, math, grammar and science all presented in song to help us remember.**

**I had a T-shirt that said "Idioms are for the birds" but I wore it until it fell apart a few years ago; guess I'll have to get the "Hyperbole is the best thing ever!" shirt next.**


End file.
